


Is It Really Christmas Without You?

by mworadeno



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Christmas Fluff, Couch Cuddles, Feelings Realization, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, basically I mixed up all the prompts I could find and turned it into this big mess, happy new year guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22038103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mworadeno/pseuds/mworadeno
Summary: Best friends-slash-roommates Jae and Brian decided against a night of partying and drinking their heads off on Christmas eve, opting instead for the comfort and familiarity of watching old Christmas movies on their small cosy couch where Brian doesn't have to think up of a lame excuse to rest his head in the crook of Jae's neck, both of them snuggled warmly under the same blanket.It's supposed to be a tradition of theirs until Jae scored a date with Brian's classmate the following year. Funny how it only takes being apart to finally make them acknowledge the feelings they've had for each other.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 4
Kudos: 109





	Is It Really Christmas Without You?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wishingswell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishingswell/gifts).



> This is all over the place bc I wrote it during my finals study week. I've never written this long before so I'm sorry if it gets draggy. Hopefully it doesn't suck too much and you can still enjoy it, errie dear! Happy new year, everyone!
> 
> Written for the Day6 Writers Fic Exchange!

_[December 2019]_

Maybe it's the festive holiday spirit in the air that could never dampen his mood but one of the reasons Brian anticipates December every year is because it's the only time Jae will ever let Brian be all over him, always ready with complaints of how terribly cold the weather is to stop Jae's protests against his clingy acts.

"How am I — a Californian at heart — much more cold resistant than you, Brian — a December child who's survived the Canadian winters?" gasps Jae in disbelieve when Brian gave him a particularly tight squeeze to his body after the credit to Home Alone rolls. Jae knows it's Brian's way of showing his contentedness when they can barely move because of how tangled their limbs are, but that doesn't mean he didn't almost choke on his breath nor did his poor heart did the flippy thing it always insists on doing whenever Brian's being way too close to his person.

"I was barely even alive if not for the hugs my friends _willingly_ offered to me, unlike someone here," laments Brian dramatically. "And stop saying Canadian winters like it's the equivalent of Antarctica."

"Only if you stop leeching off my body heat," giggles Jae in response.

"Yeah, right. Just give me the damn 80 bucks to fix our shoddy floor heater then. You know the university won't spend a dime on it even if we file the same complaint over and over," whines Brian as he presses even further into Jae.

"Alright. Fine," says Jae with all the petulance he can summon from within. "Cling to me all you want, you big baby."

"Don't get me wrong, hyung. I'm only hugging you to cut down on electricity cost," teases the younger, grinning so wide Jae can feel the curl of Brian's lips against his neck.

"You're insufferable."

"Thanks."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"I know."

They let the comfortable silence settles over them for a while, basking in each other's warmth before Jae yawns, "So... what are we watching next? Lord of the Rings?"

"Hell, no! They're not even Christmas movies," snaps Brian immediately, the idea baffling enough to make him put a distance between their bodies. Jae internally mourns the sudden lost of contact. "No offense, Jae, but I was bored out of my mind the last time you made me watch them. Remember how I was only awake when Legolas was on screen?"

"God, how could I ever forget that? I'm seriously considering to revoke your best friend card benefits."

"Okay, I'm revoking yours for your inability to appreciate how hilarious the Shrek movies were."

"Touché," Jae relents, holding both his hands up in the air in mock surrender. "So… A Christmas Carol?"

"Yeah, the Mickey Mouse one, please," chuckles Brian, making the other fondly shakes his head.

"This is so unrelated but now I'm suddenly reminded of the time I went caroling," Jae was about to hit the play button when he stops himself, trailing off the words at the end.

"Wait, you were a Christmas caroler back then? Gosh, that's so adorable! Tell me more."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Aww, come on! Don't be a meanie. There's gotta be something!"

Jae remains impassive, only giving a nonchalant shrug when Brian lightly shoves him.

"I'll just call your mother to get all the dirt on you. Maybe she'll even send me some pictures," goads Brian, his teasing face completed with a wiggle of his stupid eyebrows.

"You little shit. I hate how my mom loves you more than her own son," huffs Jae in faux indignance. "Well, fine. I was a dedicated church boy, okay? I joined the church choir when I was 10, I think? We went caroling in our neighbourhood on Christmas eves for 4 years until my family started going back to Korea during the holidays."

"Weren't you embarrassed at all? Don't your friends tease you for it?" Brian asks with a tilt of his head, genuinely curious about the answer.

"I didn't really have friends, remember? My classmates lived in different neighbourhoods anyway so it didn't really matter," Jae is quick to dismiss the question, but then he turns stoic for a moment. "I think that was the time I discovered I really enjoyed singing in front of people."

"Then sing some for me, please!" Brian pleads, looking up at Jae expectantly.

"No no no. I can't remember the words—"

"Just sing whatever, hyung. I just want to hear your voice."

"Like you don't hear me sing everyday," mumbles Jae in response.

Brian immediately detects the hint of insecurity in Jae's voice and immediately frowns at that. In hopes of giving some semblance of reassurance to his favourite person who's also the owner of his favourite voice, Brian quietly whispers, "I could never get enough of you singing, Jae." 

Jae freezes at those words. Trust Brian to be the only person capable of reducing his usually unmoving self into a bumbling, blushing mess. Jae's grateful that he's figured out the best way to save his gradually reddening face from previous experiences — which happened way more often than he'd like to admit. Jae expertly diverts the younger's attention to his intentionally horrendous rendition of Deck the Halls, knowing that Brian would laugh hysterically at his ridiculous attempt to wield his belly voice.

To no one's surprise, Brian is now doubled over with laughter on the floor, not a care about how they'd probably receive noise complaints from their neighbours. With tears in his eyes, he joins in when Jae sings Jingle Bells which somehow slowly transforms into Jingle Bell Rock. Jae offers his hand to a sprawled Brian on the floor, hoisting the younger up and proceeds to circle around their living room in an absurd mock waltz, twirling each other every time they draw out the chorus of Auld Lang Syne.

They finish off with an ugly belting competition of Let it Go and Into the Unknown mash-up as per the request of Brian,the animation enthusiast, justifying that as long as Elsa shoots ice and snow out of her hands they should be included as Christmas songs. Jae is hit by a wave of déjà vu as their current situation reminds him of that one time they sang She's Gone at a noraebang with all their hearts. As soon as it ends, they instinctively collapse onto one another to catch their breaths.

"Jesus, Bri, let's hope no one ever request for us to sing Into the Unknown when we go busking next week. I'd most definitely die on the spot," wheezes Jae in between heavy pants.

"Amen to that."

"What? Amen to me dying or—"

"Shut up, you know what I mean," Brian retorts quickly. "Can't have you dying on me when you still owe me two dinners."

"Ugh, when will you stop bringing that up?" Jae groans before dragging his feet up. "Fine, let's go eat out now."

"Uhh, Jae? It's like two in the morning though?" Brian struggles to see the clock hung on the wall, squinting his eyes until its hands sharpens just slightly and announces, "Nope, it's actually fifteen minutes to three."

"So? You say that like the McDonald's across the street is shut down or something," Jae scoffs when Brian made a disapproving noise at the mention of the fast food chain. "And don't tell me you're not even the slightest bit hungry after all that screaming."

"I'm ordering three burgers," replies Brian after much tossing and turning was done on the couch.

Jae grins victorious at that, curtsying for a maximum effect as he proclaims, "Your wish is my command, m'Lord."

* * *

After devouring his three burgers and half of Jae's, Brian is now laying his head on his outstretched hand on the table, content with watching Jae finish off his last pieces of fries. Brian starts to hum an unknown tune to fend off his sleepiness as he felt his eyelids getting heavier the longer he stares at Jae's adorable cheek pockets.

He must've dozed off for a moment, because suddenly he feels the impact of a lone fry sticking on his cheek, cold and greasy. And because he knows it will disgust Jae, he picks the fry up and pops it into his mouth without batting an eyelash, smirking when he sees the horror etched on Jae's face.

He settles for a patronizing look, "God, I knew you'd do just that but it still doesn't shock me any less."

"Says the one who casually flicks food on sleeping people's faces," quips Brian back.

"Excuse me, I only did that to you, the only person I know who sleeps in restaurants."

Brian shakes his head at that, somehow looking proud and sheepish at the same time. A few seconds passed by as they just sat there, staring at each other with goofy grins on their faces, in a McDonald's at four in the morning.

Jae is the first to break the silence. "Hey, Bribri."

"Yeah?"

"I think it'd be nice if we can spend the next Christmas eve like this too, you know? I probably won't go back to LA next year because I'll be working on my thesis and stuff. Unless you wanna go out, then I—"

"Shhh." Brian effectively shushes Jae down as he places his palm on Jae's and gives it a tiny squeeze, before continuing, "You don't need to explain yourself, hyung. I'm always happy to be with you."

"Yeah, yeah. I just want to spend the remaining days at the end of the year quietly, you know?" offers Jae with a small smile.

Brian grins back in return, hoping that it'll be enough to convey the feeling he kept brewed inside him that threatens to spill out every time Jae so much as look in his general direction with that small smile.

Jae thinks it's more than enough.

* * *

_[December 2020]_

Alas, the universe has its own plan and it's not on Brian's side again this time around, unsurprisingly.

Despite all the excitement he's felt and all the thorough analysis of movie reviews he's done in search of the perfect Christmas movies to binge watch with Jae ever since December rolls around, Brian finds himself in the middle of a breakdown right in front of a sleeping Jae.

All because of what Jae had drunkenly said in his arms just now.

_"Briaaaannn… Bribriiii… my best man. Broooo I can't wait to spend Christmas eve with youuu. But I'm kinda sad now. Y'know whyyyy? All my friends got a date on Christmas… Why can't I have one, huh?" Jae's slurred speech starts to get unintelligible the more he whines, "Why is no one asking me ouuutt? You think I should ask Haewon out? But she's soooo pretty though would she even—"_

Brian promptly tuned out whatever it is that came out of Jae's mouth the moment he heard that name. Haewon, the girl from his accounting class Jae's been crushing on for the past two weeks or so. Sure, she was an amazing assignment partner and pretty much the only reason Brian didn't fail said dreadful course but Brian wasn't aware Jae was this serious about her. Maybe they did hit it off better than Jae had let on back when he asked Jae to deliver something to her in his stead last week.

_He doesn't know why he's trying his best to appear calm even when the chances of Jae remembering this conversation is close to zero the next morning. Even so, Brian swallows back the ugly feeling he chooses to ignore for the nth time, steadies his voice and takes a deep breath to still his erratic heartbeat — which is proving to be near impossible with Jae breathing down his neck — as he carefully asks, "Do you want to date her, Jae?"_

_"Huh? Date who? You?" Jae giggles in response and looks up at Brian between his lashes, before burying his face back in the younger's neck._

_Brian curses under his breath and answers while gritting his teeth, "No. Haewon from my accounting class."_

_"Ohhhh, Haewon. Heck yes I wanna date her but I don't think she wanna date meee, Briiiii," whines Jae in between hiccups._

The ache he feels every time he recalls Jae's words is starting to get unbearable and it's becoming equally as painful for him to keep looking at Jae's serene sleeping face, which is a stark contrast to the state of disarray his mind is currently in. So Brian does the only thing he knows best in the face of distress and adversity. He plans.

And because Brian is a selfless, noble idiot who's so used to putting the happiness of people he loves first over his own, he hatches a fairly reasonable plan that involves a little bit of social media digging and some prodding toward his classmates to confirm Haewon's supposed singledom, followed by a few subtle hint-dropping on her and a sprinkle of matchmaking.

Turns out, Haewon seems to think positively of Jae, describing him as the lanky, cute Polisci major when asked if she remembers who Brian's roommate is. Brian begrudgingly notes the small smile she attempts to hide when he mentions his and Jae's lack of planned engagement on Christmas eve. Which is a blatant lie, he knows, they've promised to watch Christmas movies together.

So every time he starts questioning the lack of rationality in his plan, every time the stinging in his heart grows, he needs to remind himself that he's doing this to make Jae happy. So what if his own heart slowly disintegrates at the end of this? The look of joy that'll decorate Jae's face will be worth it all.

* * *

A few days before Christmas eve, Jae comes back from the library and all but slams the door to their room wide open, wearing the brightest smile Brian has ever seen on him, his eyes turning into endearing twin crescents. The last time he's seen Jae this radiant was probably that time they went on an impromptu trip to Jeju-do, where they saw — as quoted by Jae — the most breathtakingly beautiful sunset in the history of mankind.

"Briaaaannnn!!!!" Jae yells as he haphazardly takes off his shoes at the entrance. "You could've never guessed what kind of blessing the Lord Almighty has bestowed upon this humble self of mine just now!"

"You're speaking like a character from historical fiction," Brian notes. "You only ever do that when you're extremely excited. Or when you're inebriated. I'm guessing the former."

"Ten points to Ravenclaw!" Jae hollers heartily, only deflating slightly seeing Brian's lack of enthusiasm. "Dude, you suck at being my hype man."

At that comment, Brian instantly traps Jae in a gentle headlock and whispers in a conspiratorial tone, "What's gotten our resident beanpole this happy, huh?" He tries to act chipper even when he has an inkling about what Jae's about to say.

"Remember your accounting classmate, Haewon?" Jae asks as he skillfully manoeuvres his head out of Brian's grip.

Brian nods his head in reply, afraid his voice might betray the rising feeling of dread he's trying to smother down.

"She asked me out on a date on Christmas eve, Brian!" Jae exclaims excitedly. "Can you believe it? I still can't!"

"Pshh!" Brian disagrees and cheerily says, "Stop selling yourself short, Park Jaehyung!"

Jae laughs readily at Brian's words. Still, he can't shake off the feeling that Brian is being weirder than usual. He can't help but notice something odd about the younger's expression, so he points it out, "Wait. What's with your face though?"

"Nothing's wrong with my face!" Brian replies incredulously, something akin to panic crossing his face.

"No, no. You look like you're faking a smile. Like that time when you lied to Wonpil, saying his cooking is totally not salty because you don't want him to feel bad."

Brian heaved a big, long sigh. There's no escaping Jae's observant eye. "You see right through me, huh?"

"What is it, Bri? Is she bad news or something?"

"Not at all! I don't know, man," he replies exasperatedly, which doesn't seem to satisfy Jae even the least bit. 

Brian struggles for a few silent seconds to conjure up any sort of believable excuse, before finally settling on a half-baked truth, "I guess it's just been a long time since you last date someone, hyung. I don't know how to react."

"Well, that's true... and kinda embarrassing," quips Jae as they both laugh at his sudden realisation. "Now you _must_ help me get ready for this date."

"Uhh, I don't think that's a good idea, hyung," counters Brian quickly. "We don't need to plan these kinds of things, just say whatever that comes to your mind. I thought you debate for a living, hyung?"

"Can you at least help me choose an outfit, hmm? Please?" pleads Jae, giving his best impression of a puppy face which oddly reminds Brian of Puss in Boots who always gets his way around anything with his big, giant eyes.

"Yes, you big baby," agrees Brian as he pinches Jae's cheeks for no reason other than that he knows the latter will whine and complain about it to no end.

* * *

The anticipated (for Jae) and dreaded (for Brian) day inevitably comes along. Brian the not-morning person forces himself out of bed way before Jae wakes up to prepare a simple breakfast for both of them, knowing full well that Jae will be very likely too anxious to even think about food. To say Jae woke up surprised is an understatement since he's usually the one who had to wake Brian up countless of times every morning, to the point that he sometimes need to physically drag the younger out of bed.

Jae voices out his amusement and deadpans, "You never eat breakfast before, Brian."

"But you do, hyung," replies Brian simply with a shrug. "Can't have your sensitive tummy acting up and get in the way of your date."

They eat their breakfast mostly in silence. Brian watches Jae finish off all the toasts as he sips on his coffee, content smile hidden behind the large mug. The now well-fed Jae goes on his merry way to the salon at the end of the street to get his hair done.

Brian initially wanted to just laze around while waiting for Jae to return, but then he gets the idea to go ahead and prepare a few outfit choices for Jae. The sooner he does it, the less time he'll spend with the taller, thus a higher chance of reducing the severity of the metaphorical wounds in Brian's already broken heart. To be completely honest, he doesn't think Jae is a bad dresser per se, especially with that amazing body proportion of his that can rival a model's. It's just that Jae has chosen comfort over fashion the longer he spends his waking hours in classes and the library instead of messing around like he used to in his first few semesters. God, Brian hated Jae's guts back then, it never fails to amuse him how often they'd fight, both in Korean and English.

Looking at Jae's closet now, all Brian sees are hoodies and sweaters of various colours, sweatpants and shorts, some nice-fitted jeans (thank God), a few flannels, turtlenecks and shirts, as well as a couple of long-paddings and denim jackets. After careful contemplation of almost an hour, Brian settles on a combination of light grey turtleneck, topped with white shirt and a light blue zipper denim jacket, paired with black jeans as the first choice. His second choice is a combination of beige turtleneck under Brian's pink pinstripe shirt tucked into white jeans with a white denim jacket.

Just as he sets the outfits down on Jae's bed, Brian hears the front door opening followed by Jae's cheerful, "I'm back! I even bought an iced Americano for you, Brian". He rushes out of the bedroom, eager to get his hands on the free Americano but stops short at the sight in front of him.

Jae's brown hair is now a shade darker, probably the darkest colour Brian has seen on him. His bangs that usually lie flat on his forehead, covering his eyes or swept carelessly to the side, are now styled meticulously so that they don't fully shield his forehead and shows off his pretty eyes and brows. Brian can't take his eyes off Jae, not that he doesn't find the task impossible as it is without some fancy hairdo. But this Jae, right now, right in front of him, looks especially breathtaking.

He doesn't even realise he was blatantly staring with his mouth slightly agape until Jae comes closer and puts a straw between his lips, effectively shutting them close and breaking whatever enchantment Brian was under just five seconds ago. Brian barely registers Jae's voice saying that he'll go and change into the outfit Brian has prepared for him.

Five minutes in and Brian is called back into Jae's room after the latter yells, "Am I wearing this right, Bri?"

Jae chose the first outfit as he expected, although Brian has to suppress his impending laughter when he sees how Jae left all the tops untucked and zipped the denim jacket all the way up. He instructs Jae to tuck them into his jeans first. After that, Brian steps closer with a quiet chuckle and zips the jacket down a little past the halfway point and proceeds to unbutton half of the shirt worn inside. Brian only notices how intimate his actions were when he heard the short intake of breath Jae did as his hands linger on the buttons of the white shirt. This close, Brian is more aware than ever of how maddeningly soft Jae's skin looks and how Jae's scent is starting to cloud his mind.

Slightly flustered by their close proximity, Brian's ready to put some distance between them but is stopped by Jae's gentle prodding, "Do you think I should wear earrings too?" He tilts his head to the side as he waits for Brian to answer, gaze never leaving the younger.

"Hmm, let's see," hums Brian as he settles his hands on Jae's shoulders and gives a not-so-quick glance all over him. Jae feels the heat rising in his cheek at the attention but he doesn't want Brian to stop looking at him.

Jae's outfit looks perfect enough in his eyes so Brian doesn't know what possesses him to instead say, "I've always liked it when you wear those small hoops. Do you still have it?"

Jae just nods and wordlessly points to a miniature jewellery box on the table behind the younger's back. Brian quickly retrieves the earrings and without much thinking decides that he may as well put them on Jae himself. With all the gentleness he can muster, Brian starts to delicately put the black one on Jae's right ear, taking his time to make sure it won't hurt as he leans infinitely closer. He puts on the silver hoops in the left ear with just as much care, even noticing a mole at the base of Jae's neck that he never knew was there.

Satisfied with his handiwork, Brian has a mind to move away — albeit reluctantly — but is once again stopped when Jae moves forward to reach for something on the table behind, momentarily trapping him. Jae presents a cross pendant to Brian, the one he usually wore inside and always remained hidden beneath his clothes. Brian gingerly takes it into his hands and deliberately leans forward to hook his chin on Jae's shoulder, taking his time to properly clasp the chain.

"Your look is complete now, hyung," whispers Brian near Jae's ear. He couldn't — for the love of all things holy — find it in himself to tear away from Jae's warm body.

Jae seems to share his sentiment as he slowly, excruciatingly, peels his body off Brian's, hands staying rooted on the younger's shoulders.

"Wish me luck, Bribri," Jae says with a small chuckle. "Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure if it's Haewon or the mere prospect of me going on a date that makes me feel _this_ excited. It's like being in high school all over again."

Brian knows it's pointless to dwell on it but he can't stop himself from the thought that maybe Jae won't even mind if it's him that the older is going on a date with. He quickly banishes the thought away from his consciousness.

"It's fine, hyung. You're always adorable when you get nervously excited about something," Brian replies, trying to sound more teasing than fond. "Now, off you go, Romeo," he says as he shrugs off the hands on his shoulders and pushes the older away from him.

Brian watches as Jae stops in front of the mirror to get one last once-over, grabbing the pouch where his phone and wallet are stowed before heading out to the front door, not even sparing Brian a glance.

Their dorm feels eerily empty without Jae's presence. As Brian catches the last whiff of Jae's intoxicating cologne lingering in the air, he finally had a full grasp on how the extent of his idiocy clearly knows no bound — he really just sent his best friend that he's been in love with since forever off on a fucking date with someone that's not him. This is so fucked.

* * *

Said best friend is currently extremely confused as to why he can't seem to get rid of the heady feeling fogging his mind ever since Brian oh so casually unzipped his jacket. Jae was completely mesmerized by Brian's graceful ministrations, he never even noticed he was holding his breath at Brian's every light touch.

Before he knows it, he's now in front of the coffee shop where the date is to take place. The place has a warm ambient to it, some lo-fi song can be heard playing in the background. It's quite a far walk away from campus so it's not too crowded with college students seeking the solace of caffeine and free Wi-Fi.

Jae sits down on the seat of the table next to an oak upright piano. Just as he's about to check the piano out, Haewon arrived in all her glory, rendering Jae speechless for a short while. She's wearing a stylish rose-coloured overcoat with white knitted sweater, skinny jeans and pastel red plaid scarf.

They talked for hours at the coffee shop, Jae's worry about the possible awkwardness thrown out of the window when Haewon proves herself to be a great conversationalist. They talk about everything from their typical university students' sob stories to their pets, the topics flowing smoothly without much pause. She's got plenty of engaging stories to tell and she seems genuinely invested in Jae's too. Although Jae has to stop himself multiple times from rambling on about Brian instead of himself.

The first time it happened, they were sharing their part-time job experiences, Jae starting off with how disillusioned he felt about the book industry after working in a retail book store. He was about to describe in detail the one time Brian tried working in his place to cover his shift after he fell sick and his nut job of a manager won't let him take a day off as it was the busy season then. He did put a stop to the story before it changed focus to Brian, but the warm feeling he feels as he recalls how much trouble Brian went through for him remains.

The warmth intensifies when Jae lists down his endless allergies as Haewon mentioned her seafood allergy, halting at vanilla as the incident where he was nearly rushed to the ER after unsuspectingly eating a few leftovers of the vanilla-flavoured cookies Brian had painstakingly baked for a class gathering. He didn't even know he was allergic to vanilla back then and he's forever thankful that Brian has memorised his allergy medications by heart, running like a madman to the nearest drugstore to buy them.

Jae's starting to feel guilty towards Haewon though as his stories start to revolve too close around Brian again, he felt more than noticed her curious eyes on him as he cuts himself off yet again when Brian's name naturally slipped off his lips.

"Hey, Jae. You know you don't have to exclude Brian out of your stories, right? I know you're his best friend," Haewon starts tentatively. "You're making me question your relationship with him if you keep doing that."

"Wait, what? No! We're not like that!" Jae counters immediately, quietly mumbling under his breath, "And Brian would never…"

A knowing look crosses Haewon's face. "Ahh, so that's what it is. I thought you guys were fighting or something…"

"What? What do you mean? Stop it, Haewon," Jae whines a little as he becomes increasingly flustered under her stare, choosing to put a barrier that is his hands in front of his face.

"God, you're so annoyingly cute when you're embarrassed," teases Haewon some more. "No need to hide, Jaehyung. I know too well what a pining face looks like."

Jae only hangs his head lower, hands still covering his face.

"No denial now? Come on, Jae, tell me what happened."

"You're sounding more and more like my noona, you know?"

"Ouch, did I just get sibling-zoned or something?" jokes Haewon playfully. "For real, Jae. You can tell me anything. I won't judge."

Jae lets out a big sigh, "I really don't know. Brian, he's always been too perfect. Attractive and way out of my league. Someone unattainable. I never thought it was possible for Brian to like me and my skinny ass, you know?"

Haewon just shrugs as a sign for him to continue, "But lately I'm getting these looks from him, like he wants to eat me up and wrap me in a blanket at the same time. And just before I came here today, we even had a _moment_ or something…"

Jae drowns himself further in self wallow as he slumps forward, his head now resting face first on the table. "I'm just so confused right now. I don't know what to do."

Haewon pats Jae's hair in a comforting manner as she tells him calmly, "It's not my place to tell you what to do but I think it's best if you talk about it with Brian. You'll figure everything out by then."

"That sounds kind of ominous," quips Jae back, head still planted on the table.

She laughs incredulously at that. "No, it's not. Everything will work out somehow. You better go get your man now, Park Jaehyung."

A few more pep talks from Haewon and now Jae looks ready to brave the storm. Jae rises from his seat, a decidedly determined look drawn on his face.

"And Jae? Even if it doesn't work out... which I highly doubt," hesitates Haewon, looking unsure for the first time in hours. "I still... really, _really_ like you. Just so you know. But I'm more than fine with being friends." 

"Thanks, Haewon. You're an angel," Jae says softly, planting a chaste kiss on her forehead to show his gratitude, before dashing out in the cold winter air with only his roommate on his mind.

* * *

Brian is currently busy distracting himself from thoughts of Jae, perusing the menu of his favourite Chinese restaurant to order some take-out for his solo Christmas movies adventure. He's suddenly shaken out of his reverie by the familiar weight of a hand on his shoulder.

"Jae? What are you doing here? Why are you back so early? Didn't you have dinner with her?" Brian asks, worry and confusion taking over him seeing the odd look on Jae's face.

"Hey, calm down," Jae says as he scoots over the couch and loops his arms over Brian's waist, head finding its rightful place on his broad, wide shoulder. "She sent me back here on an errand."

Brian makes himself comfortable in Jae's arms as he states matter of factly, "You're not making any sense, Jae."

"You know what else doesn't make sense, Brian?" The sincerity behind Jae's earnest question takes him aback and Brian braces himself for Jae's words that will follow, no idea if it'll bring him more despair or — dare he hopes — liberation from this feeling that has been suffocating him for so long.

Jae takes a deep breathe — so he's also preparing himself, Brian notes — preparing to make himself vulnerable by baring his feelings in front of Brian, "It doesn't make sense how I couldn't go about a minute without mentioning your name or thinking about all the stupid little shits we've done together or all the things you've done for me without even thinking twice."

"I kept on questioning myself, 'Why does everything leads me back to Brian?' and I think I figured out why," Jae smiles that soft smile Brian loves so much, and Brian doesn't think he can mistake the look of fondness and adoration he's receiving right now for something else.

"You did?" Brian barely manages to get the words spill past his lips.

"I like you, Brian. I like you so fucking much and I had no idea. Ridiculous, I know," laughs Jae at the admission he just made.

He continues with just as much conviction, his voice cracking up just the slightest at the weight that it carries, "You hold so much significance in my life, Bri, I can't even begin to imagine how it'd be without you in it. You're one of the few constants in my life and I want you to keep on being one."

Brian gently cradles Jae's face, taking his time to admire it up close before saying, "I hate how you're always one step ahead of me, hyung. All those times I spent practicing on how to ask you out? Gone to waste."

Jae throws his head back and laughs with his whole body, "I wasn't aware this is a competition."

"Park Jaehyung," Jae never knew his name could sound so sacred on Brian's lips. "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified of how much control you have over my happiness. You are my happiness. My heart feels full to the brim just by looking at you. I even find your bedhead cute so you know I'm a lost cause."

Brian starts to trace his fingers down Jae's delicate face; his eyebrows that aren't too thick or thin, his cute little eyes Brian finds absolutely adorable, his dainty pretty nose, his high cheekbones, his soft flesh of cheek pockets, and lastly his lips. Brian's thumb stops at Jae's plump lower lip, takes in how soft it feels and how perfect it looks, like it's made solely to kiss and be kissed.

"I would very much like to wax poetic about your beauty some more but I can't think of anything other than how soft your lips look and how I very much want to kiss them. Right now."

Brian gains the permission he seeks to brave the few inches between them as Jae ever so slowly closed his eyes and leaned forward. It's a series of soft kisses, their lips barely touching which somehow leave them both irrationally breathless, craving for more.

Jae is the first to pry his lips away even when he loathes to do so. He softly whispers, "I don't think I'll know when to stop if we keep on kissing."

"Yeah," Brian agrees breathlessly. "We don't want that happening when we have a dozen Christmas movies to catch up, do we?"

"Oh my God," Jae lets out a muted scream, mouth open without any sound coming from it. "I can't believe I forgot about our promise!" 

Brian thinks now is a great time to bury his face in Jae's chest, a whine escaping him, "You have no idea how heartbroken I was when I heard you said you wanted to go on a date instead of our movie night."

"I never said that," Jae denies with certainty.

"You did," Brian says quietly, a faint hint of hurt still there in his hushed tone. "You went out with your friends two weeks ago and said that before passing out on me."

"I was drunk, Brian. I didn't mean it," Jae says apologetically. "You know I talk shit and gibberish when I'm drunk. It's like my sleep talking but dialed to the max."

"I know, I know," admits Brian bashfully. "I should've just asked you about it the morning after. This whole mess probably wouldn't have happened if I did."

Upon Jae's urging, Brian shyly describes the trouble he went through to secure a date for Jae, which admittedly wasn't much as Haewon was already interested in Jae from the very beginning. 

"Should I be worried about her?" Brian asks jokingly.

"Nah, she's like the sweetest girl ever," Jae quickly dismisses the thought away. "Plus she reminds me of my noona."

Brian starts playing with Jae's fingers, marveling at how pretty and long they are. "Do you have any idea the emotional torture I endured seeing you get all excited about the date?"

"I'm sorry," Jae brings Brian's hand up to his mouth and kisses the tips of the fingers.

"And I still can't believe the masochist in me just went all intimate on you like it's my second nature. As if every touch didn't set me on fire and shatter my heart at the same time." Brian still doesn't know what drove him to be that reckless. "Maybe it's your new hair?" he suggests as he cards his fingers through Jae's almost black hair.

"Definitely my hair," Jae snorts as he readily agrees with Brian. "But to be fair, that was probably the most intense, nerve-wrecking fitting I've been through in my entire life."

They share a few seconds of meaningful look before Brian's hands start to travel down Jae's body, his eyes taking on a mischievous glint, "Now that you mentioned it, let me take them off for you."

Jae feels a shiver runs down his spine but wills his voice to sound annoyed when he is anything but, as he asks, "Excuse me? I thought we agreed to just watch movies and cuddle."

"I changed my mind," chuckles Brian lowly, hands working on their way to untuck Jae's tops out of his jeans. "Those movies can wait until tomorrow."

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are truly, immensely, and extremely appreciated ♡♡♡
> 
> I'll prolly be late in replying bc finals is underway so I apologise in advance :'((
> 
> Happy 2020!!!


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